How can parents help in NEET preparation? Mistakes you must avoid.

Hello dear parents, I have wanted to write this blog for a very long time. See, I am not a therapist, I’m just a former NEET aspirant. I can only tell you things from my NEET experience. To get a better perspective I also asked some of my friends (people who have cleared NEET) about their experiences. I then compiled this little blog for all the parents who are trying to support their children through the NEET journey. 

As I have always said, before asking for all the things that you should do, you should always ask about the mistakes. Ask questions like ‘What should I avoid doing?’ And then you will get the real answers. Here are the answers to what you should avoid doing during your child’s NEET preparation. 

Don’t compare. 

This is the worst thing any parent can do to their kids. Do not ever compare us to anyone else and do not tell us that what we are doing is insignificant as compared to what Sharma  Ji’s son is doing. It will make us feel unwanted. It will make us question if all the effort that we are putting in is even worth it. 

Most of the time, we are very well aware that somebody else is doing better than us. Yes, we want a little push but we do not want you to keep reminding us that we are not as smart as others. Trust us when we say we are doing the best we can, even if it is not as good as someone else’s best. Remember, our only competition should be ourselves. 

Don’t tell us your expectations all the time.

Some parents keep saying things like ‘I’m sure you will get into AIIMS Delhi, you are the smartest kid.’ Nobody will like toxic motivation. Yes, we understand that you are trying to increase our confidence by saying that we can easily get a good score, but it does not work that way.

Your expectations will only make us feel overwhelmed. You should also not be continuously telling us about the cut-offs of colleges. You can help us look for information when we ask for it. But, other than that, it is just unnecessary. 

Don’t undermine us

We don’t want you to undermine us either. You should not say things like ‘I know for sure that you won’t get into a top college, at least try to get into a decent college.’ See, it is a thin line.

Nothing is more demotivating than realizing that your parents do not believe in you. Even if we are not scoring well, we do not want you to say ‘I knew this was going to happen, you are good for nothing.’ We don’t want you to think less of us. Let us dream. Be there to catch us if we cannot fulfill our dreams but do so without saying ‘I told you so.’

Also Read: Make Notes During Lectures for NEET

Don’t let us obsess over ranks and marks. 

It is common for NEET aspirants to work very result-oriented. This means that we obsess over our marks on every test and get extremely sad if we do not perform well on one test. This leads to a very unhealthy relationship with studying. We start comparing ourselves to anybody who performs better than us, it can lead to a downward spiral of guilt and shame. It does not take time for a feeling of unworthiness to set in. 

If you see us obsessing over ranks and marks, point it out. Tell us that we are doing it the wrong way, this path can lead to failure. Don’t ignore such obsessive behavior.

Do not create a stressful environment. 

Avoid punishment for poor performance. Avoid telling us to ‘Go to your room and study.’ Be parents who are communicative and open to understanding instead of assuming and reacting. If we are scoring less on a certain test, laziness is not the only possible reason. The reason can be difficulty understanding the topic, bad tutors, anxiety, fear, it can be anything. Your job is to talk to us and try to understand the reason and help us overcome it, instead of punishing us for it. 

Punishment creates more stress, more guilt, and thus an even poorer performance. It never helps.

Don’t shout at us for being lazy

Sometimes, NEET aspirants procrastinate a lot. Yes, sometimes it stems from laziness, but sometimes procrastination is a result of burnout. Try to understand why we are procrastinating. Don’t avoid signs of anxiety, burnout, or even depression. Sometimes procrastination is due to fear, fear of failure, of letting our parents and siblings down, of being a laughing stock. We start thinking that it does not matter if we study or not, so we do not study at all.

At such times, instead of shouting at us, just try to talk to us calmly. 

Don’t force your study methods onto us.

Most times, parents take it to themselves to create our study schedules. Yes, advice is welcome but leave it to us to try the methods and see if they are working. Do not force us to use a method that does not work for us. A very common example is the pressure to wake up early. Most of us are very productive in the night hours, this could be due to a lot of factors. There is comfortable silence at night, no disturbance, no noise, and no chores to complete around the house. Whereas, during the day, it is difficult to find silence and space to study.

This is the main reason we prefer to work at night. We too know that the body’s rhythm favors working in the daylight, but if nighttime suits us better, then please understand. Don’t make decisions for us.

Don’t let us sabotage our health

Most NEET aspirants stop eating full meals because of the sleepiness that comes after eating a meal. I was a NEET aspirant too, the guilt that comes with not studying the entire time is real. NEET aspirants also work with unhealthy hours of sleep. Our body needs a bare minimum of 6 hours to function. 

If you see us neglecting sleep or avoiding meals, point it out. Be strict with our health. 

Don’t undermine our efforts and focus but don’t let it consume us either.

Don’t make us feel guilty for taking a break. Don’t overschedule on our behalf. It is very taxing already. If we are taking a break, let us take a break. Don’t belittle the effort we are putting in. Tell us that you are proud of how much we are working, and tell us that you acknowledge our efforts. 

If you feel like we can work more, tell us that gently, based on observation. Do this instead of lashing out every time you see us relaxing or taking a break.

Don’t neglect communication. 

Never say things like ‘Stop thinking so much and just study.’ Don’t dismiss emotions as thinking too much. It does not work. Try to help us process our emotions. 

Anything can be solved, if you just talk to us like a friend. Just sit down with us once a month, ask us what is wrong, ask us if you can help. Trust me, it will solve a lot of things.

That’s all we are asking from you. Some acknowledgment, some respect, and lots of communication. You can help us out just by being there and showing that you care. I hope you understand that we are not being bratty, we are not being lazy, we are just tired and need some help from you.