Hello dear parents.
I am not a therapist, I’m just a former NEET aspirant. I don’t know what is the scientifically right way to help an anxious or even depressed NEET aspirant, which in your case, is your child.
But, I know how my parents helped me feel better during the NEET phase. I also know some ways they could have helped and understood me better. So, I decided to write this blog.
I have written this blog from all my NEET experience, so that you can get an insight into your child’s mind through me. I hope you will be able to understand your child’s point-of-view a little better after reading this blog. Here is it:
How are you important in your child’s NEET journey?
First and foremost, you must understand that you are very important in your child’s journey. Your approval, your time and guidance, just your presence and active involvement are of a lot of importance.
When I was preparing for NEET, I was trying to meet my parents’ expectations. So, if they got disappointed with my results, I got very unmotivated and sad. If they were supportive and encouraging and said things like ‘It’s okay, if you didn’t score very well this time, I know you will figure it out beta.’ I felt very motivated and excited to do better.
Early on, this was subconscious, I did not realize the direct effect my parents’ mood had on me. Later in my preparation, I realized this and told them about it. Then they started being more supportive, this helped me in my NEET journey.
How to be supportive?
I told you that you must be supportive, but it is confusing. I know that it may seem like your kid does not want your support, they don’t even talk to you or listen to what you say. It might feel like they ignore your advice and guidance.
Well, the key to this problem is: to stop talking. And start listening. You need to understand what your child is feeling and assess what he/she wants from you.
If your child is feeling regret
If your child is feeling regret for not having studied a certain topic enough, you should not reply with ‘I told you so, You should have studied that.’. This is the worst answer you can give.
You should say, “It’s okay beta, koi baat nahi. Now that you understand what is going on, you have direction for your work. You know where to put in effort, it’s feedback. I know you will have a better understanding of your preparation now. You just need to keep going on.”
If your child is feeling unworthy,
If they say “I have done everything right, I am still not getting results, I am not good enough.” You need to step in and hold them. Tell them that “it’s okay to feel bad about a test but it is not okay to feel like you are not good enough for anything.” Help them understand the problem, ”Maybe there is a gap in your preparation. Maybe you are using a strategy that is not meant for you. That does not mean that you are not capable. All you need to do is sit down and reflect. You need to understand where you are going wrong and we can figure it out together.”
If they still feel like they are not good enough, you MUST say this to this, “You are more than NEET, it is okay if you don’t want to crack NEET at all. We will figure it out. You don’t have to feel like this is the end. I am here.”
Don’t feel ashamed to seek out mental health help if your kid needs it. I have been through the stress and can surely say that it is very difficult to cope with it.
How to talk to your kid
Most of the time, parents are not used to seeing their kids in such states and it becomes very difficult for them to talk to their kids. I had a very bad depressive phase during NEET preparation where it became very difficult for me to talk to anyone, even my parents.
I used to write a lot during this phase. And later I realized that this, ‘Writing’, should have been a way to communicate with my parents during the NEET phase.
They could know exactly what I felt and I wouldn’t have to say it to them face-to-face either. This is also very helpful if your child is an introvert and does not talk a lot.
Research has also proven that noting down what you feel helps you cope with your feelings. So, when you ask your kid to write down their thoughts, you are helping them a little in the process.
Then you can read their thoughts and respond accordingly. You can try this with your child today, you know what the number one response will be? It will be ‘I feel pressured. There are too many expectations.’
How to make sure that you are not pressurizing your kid?
There is a very thin line between encouraging your kid and pressurizing them. “You will do it, I trust you.” can also mean “You have to do it, or you are not matching up to what I think of you.” for your kid.
You need to frame your sentences very carefully and think twice before you talk. See, you can be supportive and involved, asking them for timely updates on their preparation and progress. This is actually good and will help keep us accountable.
What you have to avoid doing is making unnecessary comments. Don’t start showing disappointment if your kid is not doing well in one test, wait and watch. If it becomes a trend then ask about it. And always also remember to offer help. No matter how busy you are, just the thought of parents WANTING to help is enough for us. It is a promise that we are not alone. That we are not cornered and isolated. Just say this as much as you can “I am here with you, you are not alone beta”
You need to show up when your kid asks for it, or even when it looks like he/she needs it.
This is the time that your kid needs you the most. This is the prime time of their lives, you need to be there.
These are some ways that you can understand and help your kid during NEET preparation, I also have blogs on what to do and what not to do as parents of NEET aspirants.
Remember, it is not just the aspirants that are being tested. You, as parents, are being tested too.
Other Articles
