Hello medicos. Stepping in the dissection hall is an experience of a lifetime. The smell of formalin, the sight of so many cadavers, and the gravity of what you’re about to do is very overwhelming.
For those who do not know, First year MBBS: Anatomy expects you to dissect cadavers to understand anatomy. The cadavers are drenched in formalin to preserve them. It is a fluid with a strong and awful smell.
Dissection is the experience that truly makes us fit to be doctors of the future. I had a very tough time coming to terms with this bi-weekly experience. I’m sure you must be feeling the same way.
Slowly, I came to terms with the process. Here’s the story of
The first cut
Let’s rewind to my first day in the DH. It was crazy. People were fainting left and right, the formalin smell was very unsettling, and the cadavers were nothing short of terrifying. Despite taking the cadaveric oath and promising to be respectful and professional, I felt like I couldn’t keep it together because of the fear and even some disgust.
I remember the first cut. We were dissecting the thorax, we had to make an incision from the sternal notch to the xiphoid process. The scalpel was going around the table, everybody wanted to have a go at it. I was actually excited, till the scalpel came to me.
Then I was plain scared. My hands were sweaty and shaking. I could barely hold it straight. I tried to further the cut made by the person before me but I couldn’t. Everybody started pressuring me to do it fast and to pass the scalpel to the next person.
The inner battle
I was panicking. ‘It’s a real human body, it is a doctor’s scalpel. I have just cleared NEET, I only know so much. I have no idea what it means to cut into a human body.’ ‘I am not qualified for this, what if I make the wrong cut! Clearly, I’m not good enough.’ The inner turmoil was immense. The rush of emotions and the decision of incompetence made me give up very soon.
I just passed on the scalpel to the next person without making the cut. Nobody cared. The lecturer only told me that I’m not passing the scalpel the right way. So yeah, nobody cared. The dissection went on. I came and sat down on a stool in the side.
What I saw
I saw that two students had already fainted in the DH. Their friends stood by their sides and tried to wake them up. Some other students had already decided that they were not going to even try dissection. Also, there were a bunch of students who weren’t interested. They were sneaking around and talking about the next lecture.
Honestly, I could be very comfortable in just skipping dissection if I wanted to. I could join any group of students, I could sit aside and learn theory. Or, I could even bunk and go to the canteen.
1-2 Weeks of Adjustment
I started sneaking out of the lab or sitting aside and reading the BDC instead. It was great, I had so much time to study and have fun too. But, everyday during lunch, when I used to sit down with my friends and listen to their dissection stories, I used to feel a lot of FOMO. I felt like I was missing out on such a unique learning experience. The experience that is only available to the best colleges. I was in a dilemma.
One day, I just decided that I’d had enough of wasting time. I mustered up some courage and went to the table again. They were dissecting the brachial plexus. Very complicated. My friends at the DT did make fun of me, and told me that it will be difficult for someone like me to dissect the brachial plexus.
I was scared, yes, but I did not back off. I asked for help and got to it.
Overcoming the fear
It was difficult, the smell of formalin made me queasy but I got used to it. I successfully dissected the Brachial plexus with one of my friends. It wasn’t perfect of course, but it wasn’t very bad either.
My friends were proud of me, and they gave me a small treat in the canteen. It was a good day. That day I realized that the responsibility to learn falls onto me. My teachers and batchmates can help me, give me opportunities to learn. But. what I make of it is completely my choice.
After
I did not magically become okay with dissection after that day. The first couple of weeks were the toughest. I was barely eating on the dissection days after that. But I got through. Took me a month to get comfortable with the process.
I used to dissect if I got the chance. Somedays I just watched the structures that someone else had dissected. The only difference was that this was a choice and not fear.
Now that I look back, I realize that dissection was my induction into the medical world. The process of dissection made me feel like a doctor more than any other practical or OPD visit.
It is a process that I think every to-be doctor must follow through. I am sure you will also be able to dissect like a master once you allow yourself the discomfort of learning. The learning curve dips before the rise, you will make a wrong incision or even cut off a few nerves, the key is to keep going.
All the best, friend.
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